The door seems insignificant to passersby, unless your guide points it out. It’s simply a portal from one room to another. But this door is different. A postulant (candidate for a religious order) faces the door and knocks. It opens from the inside, allowing the seeker on the outside to enter. And by doing so, she leaves behind all worldly ties, closing the door to distractions that will divert her attention from God. She renounces her familial ties, her personal belongings and begins her spiritual journey to become a Poor Clare of Perpetual Adoration sister.

Living a cloistered life amidst the opulence of the Shrine

I saw this door while touring Our Lady of Angels Monastery, a beautiful sanctuary in Cullman, AL, adjacent to the Shrine of the Most Blessed Sacrament. My questions about becoming an enclosed, or cloistered, sister are not easily shed. How strong is the call that rends a woman from everyday life and envelops her in a shroud of serenity and solemnity? The juxtaposition of the simple lifestyle of the sisters and the grandeur of the shrine built to honor their Savior fascinate me.

These women choose a way of life that is foreign to many of us. Their day begins at 5:25 a.m., rising for prayers. At various times during the day, the sisters slip into their Enclosure aside the altar to sing their praises. Hidden from the congregation, their voices lift toward the heavens, crystal clear like one would imagine when the angels sing. The sisters spend the greater part of their day in silence, cultivating a greater consciousness for their prayer times. Silence is golden in the sense that, through it, one can become more attuned to God. To outsiders, their vow of poverty may seem at odds with the opulence of the main church, with the brilliantly polished white marble floors and tall gold monstrance. But the sisters have heeded a different call. The simplicity of their lives enable them to give all honor and glory to the Christ child.

The Shrine was the vision of the late Mother Angelica, a poor Clare nun, who, along with 4 other sisters, moved from Canton, Ohio, to Alabama to found a new monastery. After settling in, Mother Angelica had a vision. She wanted to reach Catholics around the world, opening a small television station in Irondale, AL. Further, she could envision a beautiful shrine built to the glory of God. It would be in a quiet, secluded countryside where all who visited would feel His presence. She stepped out of the Enclosure and into the public eye, broadcasting lessons on EWTN (Eternal Word Television Network.) As she spread the word about her vision for the Blessed Sacrament Shrine, anonymous donors came forward, providing everything needed to make the vision come true.

I spend the afternoon touring public areas of the monastery and the magnificent grounds and sanctuary of The Shrine of the Most Blessed Sacrament. But I cannot forget the women behind the wall and the unselfish way they have committed their lives to prayer.

In some ways, I envy these women. Their lives are simple: every moment focuses on adoration of God. They are not concerned with what happened on the latest episode of The Real Housewives of New Jersey. There’s no doorbell or phone to answer. They don’t worry about the grocery budget, whether or not the tires on the car need rotating.

My personal private retreat

It was these annoying things that led me on my quest for peace, quiet and introspection. While I do not feel the spiritual pull to convert to this lifestyle for the long haul, a twenty-four hour silent retreat certainly holds its appeal.

I check into Sacred Heart, also in Cullman, AL, where there is a special section of the monastery for those who need a quiet respite. Unlike the sisters at Our Lady of Perpetual Adoration, the Benedictine sisters at Sacred Heart are not cloistered. 

I’m met by one of the sisters, who briefly chats with me about my reasons taking the short retreat. For me, it’s a new year, filled with promise and hope. I’m also reflecting on my 30-plus years of sobriety. I’m  searching my heart and mind for what path I want to blaze in the coming year. And as a caregiver for my elderly parents, an overnight respite is just enough time to recharge my batteries.

I’m energized by the cold air and overcast sky, luring me into a walk around the grounds of the monastery. The silence makes my heart soar. While it may sound strange, I can hear the white silence and feel the peace, as if it permeates my body. I shed tension and anxiety with each exhilarating step I take. The terrain is hilly, giving my heart a good workout. No one engages me in conversation, since I wear a name tag denoting I’m observing a silent retreat.

As the evening approaches, I’m invited to sit in with the sisters during evening prayers. I close my eyes and listen to their psalms of praise. Some of the aging voices crackle, while the younger voices ring out clearly. But they all blend harmoniously, creating a joyful praise to their Savior.

After prayers, I’m led to the dining room where I eat a vegetarian meal. I eat in silence, shrouded  in a separate room. I look at my plate. It’s certainly not fine dining, but I’m reminded how most Americans overeat, and I realize my appetite is sated. Funny how silence and introspection allows one to align body with thought.

For the rest of the night, I’m alone in the retreat center, since I’m the only attendee. I spend my time writing and reflecting, planning and reading. I discover I’m very comfortable in my skin. I’m turning into the woman I’ve wanted to become: a caregiver, a volunteer, an adventurer. I examine the self-destructive and selfish habits I’ve left and look at ways I can become a better person and contribute to a better world.

I awake with sun beams peeking through my blinds, my laptop still resting on my tummy. I have overslept, which thwarts my plans to attend morning prayers. After my breakfast, I enjoy the wonderful morning light streaming into the sunroom. It’s time for some meditation and yoga. As an extra alignment for body and spirit, I scheduled a soothing massage.

As I pack up my overnight bag to head home, I think about the two monasteries and the influence they have over me. I’ve learned quite a bit about how a closed mouth can open my mind to instincts and desires. I will forever have the image of the door to the Enclosure in my brain. And I will always be eager to see what awaits me on the other side of any door.

What’s waiting for you on the other side of your door?

Author’s note: I visited the Shrine of the Most Blessed Sacrament at Our Lady of the Angels Monastery courtesy of Alabama Mountain Lakes Tourist Association. Since visitors are not allowed to take photos inside the Shrine, my hosts generously provided me with pictures.